January 8th, 2011

I've finished writing what I owe.

Fixation.
T'isn't healthy.
It's destructive as hell,
so let's distract ourself by focusing on it.
Not this half hearted shite,
but completely and obsessively.
Until there is nothing left to focus on.

January 3rd, 2011

The year has begun. I've been hired to write someone a script on fiverr.com, which I am working on now. I've pushed out a bit of poetry, and keep re-writing and crossing out the prose I've scratched upon my paper. It's not my day. Trust me.

Sarah

Conflict

The conflicting emotions 

   will eventually push you

     Over the Edge,

        Past the breaking Point.

Tell them,

    Don't tell them,

       They will understand.

           No, they won't.

You want the pain & confusion, 

    it's just hard to admit.

       At the same time you fight it,

           trying to expel it from your mind.

Not that it ever works.

   You're messed up,

        And not about to quit.

December 3rd, 2010

Happy December, everyone. I've taken a bit of a break from writing, as you can see by my failed attempt at NaNoWriMo this year, but I'm aright. No worries, really. If anything, it's given me a chance to try and chill, and focus on other things going on in my life. But, after I take my SAT tomorrow, I can get back into really writing.

I write in notebooks first, preferably college rule, but I think all those that I have are wide ruled. I use pencil and cursive, since it's harder to decipher. I'm hoping to write at least 5 pages (front and back, so really 10) a day, after tomorrow. Counting would be tedious, so once I start typing, you'll get a work count. I do so much better, writing by hand.

Also, I've been neglecting my poetry lately. I think I'll be doing a bit more of that as well. It's freeing, a good outlet for random thoughts and emotions.

Loves,
Sarah

November 27th, 2010

For the first time in my life,

or at least that I can remember,

I am going to fail and accept the fact.

I'm not rushing to catch up,

nor am I lying to hide my lack of success.

Honestly, 

I am not going to win, 

and I'm okay with that.

Hey, it's been a while. Basically, NaNoWriMo is a No-Go this year. Less than 10,000 words. I started really strong, but got distracted, and then had stress coming at me from all different angles. Normally, I'd be freaking out, spazzing and trying to catch up. But really, doing that would only stress me out more. I didn't finish NaNoWriMo. I've a 66% success rate. It's passing, at least.
I am going to finish my novel though. I didn't realize how much I prefer to write by hand until recently. So I'm going to print out my 9,000+ words, and start over. My point of view is going to change, the time line will be tweaked. I'm going to like it more. Much, much more.
This blog will continue, as will my writing. I'm okay with that too.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

October 26th, 2010

All roads lead to Rome,
Past paths covered in lies,
and littered with the corpses,
of your fallen Alibis.


Even if you reach the goal,
the fair city far ahead,
hearts still beat in the fleet of the scorned,
wishing to see you lie dead.


Vengeance burns deep down below,
your enemies having just the stomach,
until the truth's revealed to all,
their determination cannot be unstuck.


Prove yourself changed or come not near,
for your ill words I refuse to hear.

I've been working on naming Characters for NaNoWriMo, but it's quite odd. I've  this love of older names, and at the same time cannot choose a single one. The poem above came from sitting, waiting for the cookies to bake in the oven, right after the internet sent me yet another sign that I should trust someone I'd like to trust again. Again, my head is reeling, so I shall finish cleaning up the kitchen, and go draw. That should help clear my mind, for some good plotting.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

October 23rd, 2010

How can I write with my mind so jumbled?
The words cannot flow when you feel so alone.
People don't do what they should,
but you have to keep going.
Leave the cankers clinging to the hedge,
leave the fear of incorrectness,
And just run.
For soon you will write,
feeling loved and content.
Soon you will have,
what you've been searching for....
or at least a story to tell.

October 22nd, 2010

I'm much to impatient. There are still 9 days before NaNoWriMo begins, tis much to long. I find focus difficult, for I would rather be plotting than sitting in Economics or trying to graph parabolas. I've been in such a good mood, but my thoughts all seem negative, spewing out when I've a utensil in my hand. I don't feel like myself.

The feelings counteract the actions
what sort of misnomer must I fight?
Jumping like a fool yet weeping inside,
and for what?
Many are as I, feeling lesser than their peers,
ugly and blemished,
grotesque and repulsive.
Many lack any sort of belonging feeling,
a sort of niche they've carved out for them self.
They don't complain.
I shall not either.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

October 7th, 2010

It's all been a spurt of words here, a splat of inspiration there. It's alright, I at least got a bit of poetry out, which is helping me get over some drama. When honesty goes out the window, I fear loyalty does as well, so it is questioned. When I get no answer, I take that as the answer. Oh Well.

Foil

You foiled my trust in you,

So I'll foil your plan,

I will not crack this time,

screw being the bigger person.

I can ignore how impaitent I am,

I can make myself busy,

I can avoid going back,

talking, yelling or screaming at you.

I'm not angry.

At this point, I don't know what I feel.

All I know is, you chose not to choose.

I chose not to fight any more.

If you won't, why should I?

Write Long and Edit,

Sarah

October 6th, 2010

Writing at this moment in time is a bit dismal. Really, I'm just waiting to be told by two people that I'm a wretched little person, who deserves no friends because of how big a jerk I am. Really, I'm not. I don't ever tell person to choose one friend over another, I've just sort of, lost trust, faith, and confidence. Such things I'm ready to hear, no matter how incorrect they shall be, have left my newly wielded pen to spew nothing but depressing or betrayed poetry.

I Don't Deserve

I know what I said and to whom in which I did,

I know the selflessness you're going to tell me of-

she doesn't deserve this drama, this emotional roller coaster.

Not even she-who-is-seemingly-emotionless would say what I said.

It is cruel to make one choose between friends,

no matter how much you've been shaken.

So what if you're now questioning the loyalties of many?
What of it, paranoia of it happening again?

It doesn't matter how terrible they made you feel,

how much you may have cried, yelled and hurt.

She doesn't deserve you to do that to her,

no matter how much emotional pain she caused you.

But, I don't deserve the mental mess she caused either.

Sarah

October 4th, 2010

I've written a bit of poetry, while waiting to hear of someone I feel for, and then after finding another had feelings for me. I quite hate feelings right now. They ruin a lot.
I wrote a few lines in the 'story' as well. Does it look hopeful? I've no clue.

Sorry

It's the only word I can make out,

the swirling letters clouding my mind.

Never did I want to have to say this,

I've thought of this conversation before.

Never did it end well,

I'm sorry.