November 27th, 2010

For the first time in my life,

or at least that I can remember,

I am going to fail and accept the fact.

I'm not rushing to catch up,

nor am I lying to hide my lack of success.

Honestly, 

I am not going to win, 

and I'm okay with that.

Hey, it's been a while. Basically, NaNoWriMo is a No-Go this year. Less than 10,000 words. I started really strong, but got distracted, and then had stress coming at me from all different angles. Normally, I'd be freaking out, spazzing and trying to catch up. But really, doing that would only stress me out more. I didn't finish NaNoWriMo. I've a 66% success rate. It's passing, at least.
I am going to finish my novel though. I didn't realize how much I prefer to write by hand until recently. So I'm going to print out my 9,000+ words, and start over. My point of view is going to change, the time line will be tweaked. I'm going to like it more. Much, much more.
This blog will continue, as will my writing. I'm okay with that too.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

November 13th, 2010

I've yet to write, but I plan on writing later today. Well, I take that back. There's been a bit of poetry, free verse and otherwise, happy and not. I've gone through my last 3 sketchbooks, reading everything I wrote in them. I find it almost amusing that my emotions are clear on my face, and through the pages. The angry images, seem to almost be captioned with even more vicious words.
So, I guess the friendship that began last year, the one that spawned this years NaNoWriMo is pretty much over. I never got to cause the scene I wanted too, or ask her to take the metaphorical knife from my back, but hey. And the funny thing is, she was done after I called her out on something. At least this time, I won't be seen as the "bad guy" for blowing her off. Like I was the first time, since no one knew any information other than the fact that I wasn't speaking to her, and thought I had lost it.
Part of me wants to spew the anger and animosity I feel right now, but I won't. It's because I don't just forget problems or get over things. After I lose trust in someone, it's not instantaneously gained back. Oops. I will just put it all toward my NaNo.
Thanks Taylor, for all the writing Material.

Sarah

November 11th, 2010

I haven't written since the 8th. Word block paired with much to accomplish isn't conducive to NaNoWriMo. Drama and college preparation aren't helpful either. I'm done complaining now, Sorry.

Sarah

November 8th, 2010

It's been days since I've written anything for my NaNoWriMo. I've drawn, taken photos and written angry poetry, but not worked on my novel. I'm behind now, even though I was Days ahead in the beginning. I'm already dealing with the anxiety of being behind on that, plus signing up for college, high school & AP work, and stress at home, it's just starting to drive me nuts. At least my nano count is Over Nine Thousand.

Sarah

November 4th, 2010

I'm so close to 9 thousand, I can barely stand it. I don't want to do anything but write. But, alas, I must do other things, like eat, sleep, and go to school. I want to reach 10,000 words tonight, but my fingers are so cold, and typing with gloves on is quite difficult. I've actually created some fictional events in my fictional novel, I think I've made a break through.

 Just one question: If we're all mad here, why am I so happy?

Write long & Edit,
Sarah

November 3rd, 2010

Before I say anything, I just realized I wrote 11/2/10 on my papers in school.... Anyway.
I AM WRITING FICTION. I need to keep reminding myself that. I'm using actual events as a basis for my NaNo novel this year, but I've followed the timeline so strictly, that it's hard for me to "make stuff up." But, I'm five thousand words in thus far (almost six thousand) and finally starting to deviate from the truth. Which is good, because the majority of all the exciting things I've ideas for are toward the end, so I need to not bore myself to tears writing this.
So, I'm hoping to hit seven thousand, if not more tonight. If I don't, there's always tomorrow. Now, to make some hot chocolate and Grab my snuggie.

Write Lots,
Sarah

November 2nd, 2010

With freezing fingers and sapped creativity, I post this as swiftly as I possibly can. So far, tis going well. I just want to get this biznatch of a story out of me, so I can go back and edit it. I am currently about 4,800 words in, and so far it feels uninspired and lame. I just want to cut crappy parts out, and change things I've already written. But, then again, that's not the true spirit behind NaNoWriMo, is it?

You can Write It WriMos!
Sarah

November 1st, 2010

NaNoWriMo has begun, finally. Though, I can't say much, considering I was asleep at midnight. I feel like absolute rubbish, but I've hit 1729 words, meaning I just slightly passed my goal for today. I'm on track. (Mind you, I always start out that way. I just never finish on track, I spazz toward the end.)
So far, Bryony George has let it be know, that she does know the whereabouts of Eloise. Chapter one has finally begun, with her telling the story of her and Eloise's meeting. Unfortunately, I've already hit a boring block of explanation. So, the next time I go to write, I'll take a machete to the block, and make it more about action than explanation. If that will work, I  know not.
Checking my Nano buddies page, I have found myself 24 words behind one of my buddies. I'm much to competitive and will now be typing at least 25 more words. Damn, my mind is scattered due to Nano, and the fact that I am ill. Is this coherent? I don't know.

Sarah

October 30th, 2010

In a way, I haven't planned nearly as much as I usually would have by now. And yet, I also feel more prepared than I've ever been. I've no clue why such is the case, but you'll hear no complaints pass between my lips. Really, I'm just for psyched the creative sort of catharsis I hope to achieve. Really, I'd like to stop feeling paranoid and pathetic before NaNoWriMo starts, but that's not going to happen. Trust me.

I'm a head case, I know. I have issues letting go of the past, and assume people are doomed to do the same things over and over again, I get that. But once, I'd like for a way to be able to tell if "history shall repeat itself." Anyway, back to the planning...

It shall begin with the news, some sort of paper or a TV program. The background information helps lead to Bryony. She's going to say something to the people she meets, they're going to go somewhere and talk. Her talking shall help transition into the first chapter, and out of the prologue. I've an idea where to go from there as well, but not a single other definite character name. I'm to wishy washy. I shall be off.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

October 29th, 2010

Bryony Elizabeth George. I think she's to be my new main character. I know how she thinks, for she thinks the way I choose. Creative control is flooding back to me, with the power to wield the mighty words, in any way, that astound me. And yet, I wonder why, this only happens during November?

Write long and Edit,
Sarah

October 27th, 2010

Naming may possibly be going well. My "protagonist" is most likely going to be named Georgie or Bryony, which is a good start, I guess. I've still the other main female character, and a slew of others without names, but hopefully they'll just come to me. I'm thinking about Kristina a bit, though I doubt it will be worked into the story in any substantial way.
Oh, and the paragraph mentioned a while ago, it's morphing into something else. Same concept, different approach. I dunno, Sophia's the name chosen for the MC.
I'm quite bland and blah at the moment.
I fear I'm coming off of my "happiness-high."

Sarah

October 26th, 2010

All roads lead to Rome,
Past paths covered in lies,
and littered with the corpses,
of your fallen Alibis.


Even if you reach the goal,
the fair city far ahead,
hearts still beat in the fleet of the scorned,
wishing to see you lie dead.


Vengeance burns deep down below,
your enemies having just the stomach,
until the truth's revealed to all,
their determination cannot be unstuck.


Prove yourself changed or come not near,
for your ill words I refuse to hear.

I've been working on naming Characters for NaNoWriMo, but it's quite odd. I've  this love of older names, and at the same time cannot choose a single one. The poem above came from sitting, waiting for the cookies to bake in the oven, right after the internet sent me yet another sign that I should trust someone I'd like to trust again. Again, my head is reeling, so I shall finish cleaning up the kitchen, and go draw. That should help clear my mind, for some good plotting.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

October 24th, 2010

'Tis but the final countdown. Roughly a seven-night 'till the frivolity shall commence. Yet, nature never framed a woman's heart so dry, old and brittle. 'Tis no hope for I devise honest slanders toward myself. Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps, and I doubt such shall hang upon me, ere I die. Just speak of me as Lady Disdain, for I may say I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me, but such is a complete Lie. Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul,I admit to being lonely.
And yet, I am there for all others, to aid in their joys.

[How can I focus on NaNoWriMo?]

Sarah

October 22nd, 2010

I'm much to impatient. There are still 9 days before NaNoWriMo begins, tis much to long. I find focus difficult, for I would rather be plotting than sitting in Economics or trying to graph parabolas. I've been in such a good mood, but my thoughts all seem negative, spewing out when I've a utensil in my hand. I don't feel like myself.

The feelings counteract the actions
what sort of misnomer must I fight?
Jumping like a fool yet weeping inside,
and for what?
Many are as I, feeling lesser than their peers,
ugly and blemished,
grotesque and repulsive.
Many lack any sort of belonging feeling,
a sort of niche they've carved out for them self.
They don't complain.
I shall not either.

Write Long & Edit,
Sarah

October 19, 2010

I had an 'epiffany' about my NaNoWriMo novel this year. It's about the Blair to My Serena (yes, I made a gossip girl reference.) but much more exaggerated and, well, negative. Though the whole thing is already exaggerated in my incredibly paranoid mind, so I'm not sure how I can make it worse. I mean, even now, after we supposedly have come to a point where we understand each other, I'm still. I do this thing, where I assume the worst. She brings it out in me. Even thinking about it jumbled up my head.
I'm thinking about titling it "Snake on the Tracks," which will make sense once it's read. And I just decided I'm going to focus on the disappointment that I'm feeling now, while writing. Let's just say, if you're a true best friend, you're going to see it need space, but you're supposed to try and gain my trust back. Or at least, that's what would happen in a perfect world.
This, this right here, is why I burn bridges so much. Sure, it's lonely, but you don't feel disappointed that they don't fight to be your friend like you want them too. And you don't constantly fear lying, or her liking and 'getting' a guy you like(d) and told her such. [But then again such leads to your realization that the boys in your own grade don't all suck as much as you thought. Sure, you've no hope, they could do better, but still.]
God, boys are stupid. Girls are stupid. I am a headcase with a headache. Goodnight.

Sarah